HER CANDESCENCE

I walked through those glass doors with a knot in my throat… “don’t look back, don’t look back” I whispered under my breath as I left my family behind. On my journey back I didn’t think I would cry but as the aircraft ascended the tears found their way to the surface of my eyelids and I left them to fall. They represented so many things too many to explain and explore. I’ve reconnected with friends I hadn’t seen in many years I’ve seen the toll those years had taken on many. I’ve witnessed the struggles of the poor hoping for a saving grace and the uprising of the affluent and elite. Despite all the ranges I was privy to; one thing never changed. The warmth that is in the DNA of a trini!!! The bustling of the market place at the break of dawn, the taste and aroma that fills the air of freshly cooked food, the hairs that remains in your teeth after sucking a mango, the variations of music being played, the crowing of a cock in the morning (who needs an alarm) the scent of freshly brewed nescafe coffee that resurfaced memories of my Grandmother, the trini dialect as you conversate with the little children “mz laydie,mz laydie”…the cool Caribbean breeze that blows off the beaches, the melting of a snowcone soaked in guava syrup,the breathtaking view from lovers lane, the majestic mountains that is everywhere that reminds you there is a GOD. The vibration you feel from every person who embraces you, the anthem they greeted me with upon my arrival “so long ah ain’t see yuh”…singing it out loud off key and all! The peace and quietude I rediscovered at the peak of Mt St. Benedict. I couldn’t comprehend how people bad talk where their navel string is buried. I do know that on this journey I found my balance and for once in years the scales are even. For those who is waiting to embark on this journey be encouraged I had VERY DARK and BITTER days to get here, many will not tell you that side to their story. In the process I felt like my prayers were falling upon deaf ears. I’ve missed weddings, births, christmases, christenings and burials. I left as I was on the cusp of becoming a young woman and returned A WOMAN.I am made wiser for my struggles, I was made humbled through the process, I was put in situations where my PATIENCE was tested. I acquired STRENGTH I didn’t know I had. I’ve seen the ALMIGHTY preserve me in the valley of dry bones and given me beauty in place of ashes. I’ve had people repeatedly ask “why you ain’t coming home?”…and finding myself wanting to say mind your F*CKING business! However, as Ecclesiastes states and it is true ” EVERYTHING IS BEAUTIFUL IN ITS TIME!!!!!” Wait… whoever you are your BEAUTIFUL TIME IS COMING TO!!!